Hello, Angel

Disclaimer: This page, being a large personal ad, is now defunct. I have found my angel, my slave. Hooray for me! I'm keeping it up, however, because she likes it and wishes it to remain up. Also, I'm rather proud of the manacled hands I made for the background (really only visible on the desktop version) and there's not really anywhere else on the site where they'd fit in. So, enjoy the page if you want to know more about me, but please don't contact me looking for ownership. I'm happily married now.

Thank you,
The Management

I would very much like a pet girl, a slave, to call my own.  I've wanted one since I was a child.  It's true.  I remember in kindergarten wishing I had a girl to keep under my bed.  I didn't know what I'd do with her; I just wanted to keep her there, among the discarded clothes and dust bunnies.  I've been searching for many years now and still haven't found what I'm seeking.  The need to possess, own, and control has always been there.  I now have the freedom to indulge myself and try to make some of my dreams come true.

First, I'm not writing this to simply titillate libidos -- this isn't an erotic fantasy fiction.  Those are on another page.  I'm very serious about this.  I want somebody real, someone who needs this as much in real life as I do.  I want a live-in, 24/7, long-term (and possibly permanent) pet.  Sorry, I'm just not looking for males or other tg's.  This isn't just some fantasy for me, not some kinky bedroom-only activity -- this is who I am and this is how I live my day-to-day life.  Life, not just a lifestyle.  It is as natural to me as sleeping and eating, and I can't imagine living any other way.  In fact, it's impossible for me to even have a regular, vanilla relationship.  I'd just shrivel up and turn all crispy like a forgotten potted plant on the windowsill.  Any relationship of mine has to be perverse and fraught with fetishism.  I'm going to put a lot of general info on this page in hopes that the right girl will happen to read it and identify with it, and then we can get down to knowing each other better.  Hmm, there's a lot I want to go through, far too much to say and so little time.  There'll be a wall of text forthcoming.  Perhaps I should categorize it?  Use bullet points, maybe?  Maybe visualize it as one of those old-fashioned wooden library catalogs.  We curl our finger into the tiny tarnished brass handle and pull out the little drawer.  It has weight but it slides out silently and nearly effortlessly, so smooth has the wood become from use.  The familiar warm acrid scent of oak and paper.  Oh, there's lots of cards here, edges worn from being flipped through by searching fingertips.  What will our fingertips find?  Let's start with:

What Evil Dolly Wants: A General Overview
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The kind of pet I'm looking for is someone who genuinely enjoys being subservient and surrendering all control.  You must have inner strength and stability to be able to endure and find happiness in this kind of life.  I want someone who gives of herself totally and willingly, feels pride in serving to the best of her abilities, and feels a need to become an invaluable part of her owner's life.  My satisfaction with your actions, accomplishments, and submission should fill you with warmth and fulfillment.  Such a girl is a rare and wonderful thing and deserves be treasured, and I want someone to care for and treasure.. and, most importantly, possess.  Of course, while I'm treasuring you, I'll also be degrading and humiliating and hurting you, just because it makes me smile.  It's what I need.  I'd like someone who is enticed by the thought of completely losing control of her body, appearance, and day-to-day decisions to someone else.  Given my druthers, I would prefer someone younger than myself.  Ideally, I'm looking for a girl who is cute and of an average body type, but such things are in the eye of the beholder.  You need to be able to relocate.  I'm offering you a place where you can be yourself and indulge your needs and desires in safety and security.  Please be drug free and not come with a ton of emotional baggage.  Everyone, of course, has some sort of emotional baggage -- that's just something you pick up while living -- but there's only so much I can do in helping to fix a badly damaged human being, if it can be fixed it at all.  I would also very much prefer you to be open to many fetishes and accepting of alterations to your appearance and possibly some body modifications.  As a slave, you may endure them regardless, but I'll enjoy it a lot more if you're enjoying it, too.

I'm not looking for a girlfriend, lover, wife, or part-time plaything.  You'll be so much more than any of that to me.  You won't be my partner or equal, but you won't want for attention, you will be my most valued possession, and you will have my heart and my affection.  As my slave, you will be nothing more or less than anything I desire you to be at a given time:  doll, slut, mannequin, friend, toy, maid, art, laborer, servant, companion, or any number of other things.  You will be a versatile tool through which I enact my will.  I will mold you to be whatever I want you to be.  You'll learn whatever skills you need to learn to better serve me.  You'll eat what you're told, you'll wear what you're told, you'll do what you're told.

I'm not here to save you, precious.  I'm not your White Knight.  I'm the Evil Queen who locks you in her prison tower until you learn to love it.

I'd like to say that this isn't all about sex for me.  Sex is, of course, sometimes a big part of it, of any intimate relationship, but it's only a part of the larger picture.  It's a girl's willing submission to her own enslavement and her desire to please that entices me the most.  I want to own everything you are, to possess you, to crawl inside your mind.  I'm not looking for a random warm hole.. I'm looking for a slave who will warm my heart.  I want someone to be my companion, a pet I can take with me to go shopping, or on a walk through the park, who will make me laugh, and to hold while watching movies.  The little things.

My Personal View of Slavery
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I'd like to be very clear from the outset:  I'm looking for a slave.  A consensual slave, but a slave nonetheless.  I know the word 'pet' usually has certain connotations for people, but I often use 'pet' and 'slave' and even 'girl' interchangeably.  Different nuances, perhaps, but it all comes to the same thing for me.  So that there's no misunderstanding, I'll describe just what a slave means to me.  A slave -- a consensual slave -- is someone who chooses to give herself completely to another.  After that very important decision is made, she is owned property.  Not in a legal sense, of course, but in every other way.  Her owner has the power to control each and every aspect of her life.  There will be no part of her body or mind that is off limits to me.

Think of it like having a pet.  As a good and responsible pet owner, you should take good care of it and see that it's healthy.  You can cherish your pet, love it, consider it an indispensable part of your life.  But you certainly don't view the pet as your equal.  It's your possession, your property.  You control its world.  Whether your pet gets to do what it wants is not for your pet to decide.  You decide.  It's your pet.  Of course, we're talking about a pet girl, which is infinitely more valuable and versatile than any ordinary animal, but the concept remains the same.  It doesn't mean you're subhuman or anything.  It means you're a girl... who is owned.

An owned slave no longer has rights, but she may be allowed a great number of privileges.. which can be granted or removed at will by her owner.  She is entitled to nothing except an expectation of being taken care of, having her base needs met.  My slave will not have the right to have any possessions or money.. she may have the privilege of having such, but only because I've allowed her to have them if she is responsible, not because she has a right to them.  Whether she sleeps in a bed or in a cage or on the floor isn't up to her.  She isn't allowed to place conditions or terms or limits.  She doesn't get to say "I will give myself to you totally... but only on these days and only if it involves these activities."  It is everything.  All the time.  She has no right to privacy, and keeping secrets is unthinkable.  She may be given a huge deal of autonomy or she may have none at all -- it's not for her to decide, either way.  It's about acceptance, of loving her own sense of powerlessness.  Her will is subsumed; she becomes an extension of her owner.  Serving her owner, pleasing her owner, obeying her owner, and making her owner's life easier is her purpose.  Everything else is secondary.

Some of this may sound unfair, but slavery isn't about being fair.  It's about being enslaved.  And doesn't that sound positively divine?  Don't you ache to have the word SLAVE emblazoned across every facet of your self identity?  To have the reality of your own enslavement flavoring every thought and action?  To feel your glorious inferiority thrumming through your being like the resonant strings of a cello?

If so, that's an excellent start.  Let's keep going!

Life as Evil Dolly's Slave
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All of that said, a potential slave has every right to know what kind of a person I am and what her slavery might entail.  That's largely what this page is about.  No one should give herself to the first person that comes along.  First off, despite my beliefs and desires, which some might find bizarre or extreme, I'm not some abusive whacko.  I'm actually a very nice person!  Anyone who has known me for any length of time would probably agree.  I'll even give character references, if asked.  I'm safe, consensual, risk aware, all that good stuff.  I can be sadistic.  At the same time I can be very gentle and motherly.

While I reserve the right to do whatever I wish with my pet slave girl, that doesn't mean I'm going to do whatever could be done just because I can.  I don't want a miserable, broken, abused slave.  Ethics aside, I don't want that kind of energy around me.  I'm of the "If you break your toys, you can't play with them anymore" school of thought.  I don't want a shattered toy.  I want a happy, cheerful girl!  Cheerful... and... sometimes afraid.  I would take great pleasure in seeing my girl happy and enjoying herself... as long as she understands she can't expect to be happy all the time.  And, really, who can be?  I understand she has own desires, ideas, or opinions which she may present.  I'll gladly take her wants and opinions into account.  Just because I'm your owner doesn't mean rational negotiation and discussion is impossible, but... my decisions are final in all things.  I don't like pointless complaining.  Whining and complaints will irritate me, and you don't want that.  Do you?

No... do you?

I didn't think so.

I'm so glad we agree.
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Naturally, I would like a servant.  That's hardly unexpected.  Actually, there's not all that much to be done around here and things like housework shouldn't take much time at all in any given week, unless there's some big project needing to be done.  I'm neither a neat total freak nor a slob; I'm happy as long as things are generally kept clean and tidy.  And there's stuff like cooking and running errands and things like that.  That won't be too terrible, will it?  I know it's hard to constantly serve someone else and anticipate their needs, but you get used to it and it becomes easier.  This I know from experience.  It soon becomes second nature.  Of course, I don't just want you for your cleaning and service abilities.  Yours won't be a life of unending drudgery like a fairy-tale stepdaughter.. all smudged with dirt.. scrubbing flagstones on your hands and knees.. in your tattered second hand dress.. with a huge list of chores yet to do.. while your cruel step-sisters mock and spit at you.. hmm.

Yes, well, that said, I don't want someone who will quickly grow to resent these duties because they don't involve play.  It's just plain old real life stuff and needs to be attended to, and you'll be the one to do it, not me.  It's part of your job as a slave.  You should crave to please your owner in every possible way, whether the job is erotic or domestic.. whether it's performing orally or mowing the lawn.  The happier I am, the happier you should be.  I will appreciate the work you do for me, and don't underestimate how much even your most seemingly mundane efforts can please me.  I mean that.  The mere thought of a slave putting forth effort, straining, sweating just to do a task I gave her makes me warm and fuzzy inside.  It's a combination of pride and power.  Oh yes... I might be making some mundane activities a little more amusing for you... by having you restrained or gagged as you do them.  Well, it'll be more amusing for me, anyway.  And that's the most important thing, right, angel?

I'm not so interested in intense micromanagement:  you'll not usually have to ask permission to move or go pee or what-have-you, unless given express orders otherwise.  I'm also not big on social isolation.  While I may isolate you from people I consider a negative influence on you, I'm not interested in having you cut all ties.  Family and friends important.  I might even order you to take a vacation and visit your family and friends on a regular basis if you've had to relocate.  That's not to say there won't be times I'll want to keep you all to myself, sealing you away from the world, reinforcing and deepening your internal slavery.

I'm a private person and will, at times, want to be left alone.  A number of the things I like to do with my free time are, by nature, solitary activities, like messing about on the computer, gaming, writing, or reading.  And I'm assuming you'll need your own space, your own alone time, too.  It would help if you can easily amuse yourself and not feel neglected when you're not the object of my attention.  I'll be glad to get you most anything to help keep you occupied, but only as long as it pleases me to do so.  But, honestly, much of the time we'll be doing pretty normal things:  hanging out together or with friends, watching movies, going shopping, going out to eat... you know, the kind of things those normal humans do.  Of course, there'll be plenty of kinky activities, too.  Speaking of which...

The Kinky Stuff: An Overview
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First off, who wouldn't want a life-size doll to dress up any way they wished?  I'll be in control of how you look and dress, all according to my whims.  You see, many of my fetishes revolve around clothing -- tight clothing usually, but not exclusively.  Someone clad in certain clothes is far more erotic to me than nudity.  Color, shininess, light and shadows, the scent, the touch, the feel of the material over skin.  You'll be my warm, cuddly mannequin.  I'll will dress you to suit my whims and you will graciously submit, even if you can't appreciate it like I do.  It doesn't matter what other people will think of you, only be concerned with what I think of you.  Be happy that you have no say, that you can please me so greatly by simply submitting to this small thing, and that you have these sorts of decisions taken out of your hands.  You might be girly or goth, classy or slutty.  You'll wear satin, spandex, girdles and sweaters, latex, zentai, hoods and masks.. mmm.  Especially panties.  I will do everything in my power to give you a powerful panty fetish.  Some of the things you'll have to wear may be uncomfortable.  You'll just have to get used to it.  For instance, I've always wanted a rubber doll -- I may cover you head to toe in latex and have you wear it until it feels as natural to you as your bare skin.  Yes, you'd be sweaty, but you'd look so cute.

I think the restrained female form is one of the most beautiful sights in nature.  It's not simply erotic, it's entrancing... like the perfect sunset.  I would prefer someone who loves the feeling of being restrained.  I want someone who can happily zone out while bound to a chair or the bed for a few hours.  I also enjoy mummification, so you'll have to learn to enjoy that level of immobilization and helplessness, if you don't already.  I want you to learn to be comfortable enough in bondage that you'll be able to sleep all night while moderately bound if I want, or be able to stand bound somewhere nearby so I can enjoy you as a piece of art.  I like rope bondage, but I don't actually have much practice at it.  I often prefer the convenience and permanency of sturdy locks and heavy chains.  Oh, you will be chained.  You can also expect to spend a lot of time in helmets and hoods, be they lycra, steel, or latex.. and especially panty hoods.  You should also get used to remaining gagged for long periods, and to spending days at a time in some form of mobile restraint such as locked cuffs.  All of these things may be physically difficult, at first, but your endurance for them will increase in time.  Let's hope so, anyway.  Hidden public bondage is also fun.  I have two cages at the moment, so you will certainly be spending time locked in those.  I'm aching to try keeping someone locked in a cage for longer periods.  Then you'd really be like a pet.

However, don't expect me to keep you permanently locked up.  A certain degree of honor will have to be used when I'm not home.  Oh, sure, who doesn't have the fantasy of building a prison cell in your basement and leaving a girl locked inside permanently?  But fantasy is fantasy.  I don't want to leave someone helpless with no chance of escape, such as locked in a cage, if an emergency would happen.  It's important to keep things as safe as possible, and I don't wish to risk undue harm to my valued property.  Also, I'm not going to keep you permanently restrained to prevent you from ever running away.  I'm bringing this up because I actually get asked that a lot.  If that's your fantasy, put it out of your head.  Consensual slavery is internal, it's something you choose, not something you're forced to do.  If you truly wish to leave, you can go.  I don't want anyone around me who I feel I have to force to stay with me.I'm not much into public humiliation, so you needn't be too concerned about that if it frightens you.  I don't have plans of leading you down the street on a leash or anything like that.  You might be embarrassed by some of the clothes you'd have to wear sometimes (like, wondering if the diapers you're wearing are visible under your pants), but little more than that.  In private, however, I'll humiliate and degrade you as much as I please.  I might slap you or spit on you, but lovingly.  I may have you act like an animal and eat from a bowl, piss your pants on command, act like a bimbo, be a toilet, or whatever else amuses me at the time.  With me, you can be free to revel in your degradation.  For example, I'm a very scent-oriented person, I might like your sweat.  I might order you not to bathe for several days just to enhance my pleasure of you, or just to humiliate you.  Or I might dump icky slimy things into your clothing.  You might feel disgusting, you might not enjoy it, but you'll do it.. and I'll be proud of you for being obedient, and you'll feel good for having pleased your owner.  There's no reason to be embarrassed, really, not in front of me.. every humiliating or disgusting act I have you do can only increase my affection for you.  I'll also want you to satisfy various non-D/s-related fetishes of mine, of which I have many, many.

Oh, the Sweet Suffering
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You should be open to receiving a certain amount of pain.  I especially enjoy caning and paddling, spanking, scratching and biting, punching (not the face -- the meaty bits), and breast, mouth and genital torture.  The severity is negotiable to a degree, but you should be open to having your pain limits stretched.  Just let those aches and bruises serve as a reminder of how much I adore you.  I'm not interested in making your waking life a constant agony, not at all.. though I could if I wanted.  I'm not a huge sadist, and I'd more often rather watch you orgasming helplessly than hurting.. but when I want to hurt you, I will.  Sometimes for fun, sometimes as punishment.  I'm not at all squeamish about inflicting a great deal of pain on a girl.  It's fun.  I'm not psycho, though, and I don't want you to feel abused -- above all I want you to feel special, and loved, and owned.. although occasionally feeling humiliated, dehumanized, and sometimes suffering for me is another matter entirely.  Above all, I'll value you all the more for what you endure for my pleasure.  Suffer beautifully for me, my pet.

Let's talk about hard limits.  You have none.  Yes, that's right:  none.  Limits are limitations -- conditions -- which you place on me, and that is not allowed.  That said, I do care... I will definitely want to know of all your perceived limits.  I want to know what is a mild "Eww, that's gross, I don't wanna do that!" kind of limit, and what is a "Please, don't make me do that, it'll destroy me" kind of limit for you.  Depending what they are, it's quite possible they will never become an issue; there are plenty of things I'm simply not interested in doing.  Again, just because I can have you do something doesn't mean I ever will.  I'm obviously not going to order you to do something illegal, for example.  If it's something that needs to be worked on, we will do so carefully, with a mind to your ongoing mental state and possible past traumas and phobias.  Trust is of utmost importance, and I want you to trust me.

Now, concerning body mods.  I may wish to do some things to you that will be a part of you for the rest of your life.  Or simply temporary changes.  I might mark you as my property in some way.  I might have you pierced.  I could have your lips pumped with collagen or have you get breast implants, though believe me I'm not likely to have you undergo surgery on a whim.  So we'll just wait and see about that.  I might put you through long term corset training.  I may have you exercise and be very athletic, or I might stuff you with cakes until you're plumped up nice and soft.  Regardless, I won't rush into anything permanent right away, if ever.  I may end up not wanting to change you much at all.  I simply reserve the right as your owner, as your loving dark mommy.  I'm going to have so much fun with you, sweetness, and with the body that you used to think of as your own.

Erika: The Person
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Compatibility of personalities is an important issue.  No relationship will last long without chemistry, and nobody plays 24/7 around the clock (one can be a slave 24/7, but that is a state of mind, not a momentary state of being whipped or bound).  I'm very quiet.  I want someone I can get along with and is pleasant to be around.  I'm extremely easy-going and I appreciate the same.  I do not want someone who is passive aggressive or likes to fight and argue.. no drama, no secrets, no lies.  I don't need that in my life.  I can't deal with high strung individuals and I hate to fight.  Harmony in my home is of utmost importance.  Nor do I want a brat who behaves badly for attention (you will not enjoy the kind of attention that behavior gets), and I'm not interested in someone who is constantly trying to wrest control from me.  You gave me control.  You made that decision.  It's mine now.

One reason we need to get along well is because we'll be spending so much time together.. there may be periods when I'm your only human contact.  Like if you're in some long-term restraint, confined in a cage, or required to wear a rubber suit for a week or so, well, obviously you won't be going out socializing during that time.  If you're looking for an a-type personality or a dominant who struts around marking the territory wherever they go, I'm not that person.  I'm very subtle in my dominance.  I speak softly and expect to be obeyed.  I'm extremely comfortable not being the center of attention.  To say that I'm socially awkward is an understatement.  I can seem very distant to people who don't know me well and I have never been able to easily slip into social rituals.  Being among people in a social setting can exhaust me.  You can be very helpful by acting as a buffer for me at times.  I'm an INTJ personality type (the rarest, so I understand) if that means anything to you.  Look it up, it might prove useful.  I'm emotionally stable, but I'm sentimental and I feel certain things very deeply, though it can sometimes be hard to see as I'm a bit stoic and seldom find the words to adequately express my feelings.  I like to make people laugh, though I can't tell a joke properly to save my life.  I'm really rather silly most of the time.  You must have a very good sense of humor, the sillier or stranger the better.  If you can make me laugh, you'll win a place in my heart.

Erika: The Domme
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Now, one might be fair in asking what qualifies me as Domme or Mistress.  The honest answer is: nothing, really.  It is essentially a title that one assumes whether they are qualified or not.  There is no dominant diploma or committee vote for the position.  Some have been doing this for far longer than I, and have a great deal more experience.  I've never actually owned a real consensual slave before, so much of this will be a whole new experience for me.  There will be some trials and errors, through which we can learn and grow together.  I have, however, been a live-in house servant (though not quite a slave) in the distant past, so I do have that experience to grow from.  I've been very active in the D/s community for decades, often in a leadership role, and have seen, done, and learned many things.  I may be silly, but I'm also mature and responsible... and owning a human is an enormous responsibility.  And I can say that I know what I want, I have realistic goals, that I have the desire and will to be someone's owner, and that I'm not a mean or abusive person.  Well, not in a bad way.

Another thing I'll add is that I'm not a conventional sort of Domme, beyond being shy and transgendered.  I enjoy many things that may seem at first blush 'un-dominant'.  Many of my fetishes I enjoy experiencing for myself and not just do to someone else.  I don't wish to switch or be submissive to anyone, but there are times I too enjoy the pure sensation of things like mummification bondage or hooding, etc.  It is most relaxing.  Another example is that, while one can expect a slave girl to be wearing diapers or sissified little girl dresses during age play, sometimes I, too, enjoy wearing such things.  It's not the sort of thing you'd expect.  Personally, I find the twist, the cognitive dissonance, delightful.. that of someone dressed in such a way (or not) being dominated and controlled by someone also dressed in such a way.  Or me myself wearing a constrictive latex outfit that is virtually like bondage in itself, almost rendering me helpless, and still being slavishly served in such a way.  I will give golden showers to my slave, and I may order her to give them to me just because it's erotic.  Those are just a few examples of the varied and near-limitless combinations.  The point is, a slave is still a slave even when her owner doesn't present the accepted image of your typical domme.  She is there to please her owner in whatever way she is told.  I will not have my desires constrained by a slave's need for me to always 'look the part' or strictly 'play the proper role'.  I am me, and I will not deny who I am or what I enjoy.  Some submissives can't cope with that sort of thing or feel it causes them to lose respect for their owner.  If that's the case with you, fair enough, I am not the owner for you.  If not, well then, lovely!

I will whip you, I will beat you and bite you.  I will degrade you and stroke you and make you orgasm.  I'll take away your freedom and I'll shower you with affection.  I will bathe you and brush your hair, tuck you into bed and cuddle you and tell you what a good girl you are and tell you that you're mine, mine, all mine.  I want you to be as fulfilled as a human pet can possibly be.  I want to make you as happy as you'll make me.  You will be my most precious pet, my foul little beast-thing, my caged slavegirl, and I won't give you up for anything.

In Conclusion
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Well, let's close that old catalog drawer for now.  I think that's enough to go on.  I realize this has been somewhat lengthy, but I'm an honest and straight-forward kind of person and I don't want to misrepresent myself.  I will expose myself utterly and make myself vulnerable if it helps me find the right one for me.  I ask that you be willing to provide the same kind of honesty.  If you've read this whole thing and suffered through my run-on sentences and ellipses, well, you must either be a true masochist or somewhat interested.  If you are interested in this kind of life and believe you're what I'm looking for, by all means, reply... but only if you're serious.  The decision to be anyone's absolute slave may be the most important and far-reaching decision you ever make in your life... and may well be the last real decision you're allowed to make for yourself for a long time.  We'll get to know each other.  Just be aware I'll want proof of your reality before I we start to get involved -- I've been jerked around far too often, and I am not interested in an online relationship.  Game-playing will not be tolerated.

If you really want to know more about me, I suggest you poke around through this site of mine.  Check out the About Me page, and there's also a Blog.  My stories also give a glimpse into my inner workings.  I strongly suggest that if you're really interested in what I've written here, then you should look into these resources before contacting me.  You might find things that you don't like that will turn you away, or maybe things that make you all the more intrigued.  After all, you should do as much research as you can about a person before you go telling them you want to belong to them, don't you think?

I hope my special angel finds this soon.

~Erika

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